Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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