Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
