My hand turned me down
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
