I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
