Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
