I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My feet surprised me
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
