How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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