No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
