My liver just broke up with me...
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
