WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
