I want to make a zoo with you.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize