I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just had sex on a roof
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