Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We just shotgunned beers for America
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
