There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
