Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
