Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
