what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
