I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
