Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
