I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
