So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
