Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
