Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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