the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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