I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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