Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
