I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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