he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
