My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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