This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
