My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
