i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
we're so committed to being not committed
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize