She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
