Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
