ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
