Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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