I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
