Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
