I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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