and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
