so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
