Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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