so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
