problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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