i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
