ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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