you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
