My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
