I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
