Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
