One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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