There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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