we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
