alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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