fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
