I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Yo dont text me then not text me
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
