i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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