How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
