meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize