areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
