my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
