She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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