i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
