Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
