I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
