I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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